Friday, June 12, 2009

Thoughts on a Cancellation

Ok, so a BFN and a cancellation of an IVF cycle after a cross country trip to the clinic, both in the space of a week and a half is kind of alot to deal with.

You would think the BFN would be tougher to handle, as the cycle allowed us to become more emotionally vested... we made it to retrieval, survived the fertilization call, got a photo of the embie, carried the embie in my uterus and went through all the emotions of the 2ww before getting confirmation that it didn't work. There was a significant financial price as well.

A cancellation on the other hand, at CD9 so relatively early in the cycle, seems less daunting. At first anyway. Even with the travel thrown in, financially it wasn't too damaging to quit at that point. But flying back home yesterday was pretty hard emotionally. Now with my 3rd cancellation out of the last 4 cycles (one with a cyst, two with an E2 that was extremely low and never rose), and with my 44th birthday looming, which means a further drop in success rates as I move into the next age category, there is the feeling that it really is hopeless.

At least with a BFN we can say we gave it our best shot and it didn't work. But there is an extra feeling of helplessness that comes with a cancellation, that we couldn't even get a decent shot at a try. Instead of being in the running for a small chance of success, a cancellation means no chance at all, which I find particularly hard. Tubal issues for me mean a zero chance without an IVF transfer.

On a more positive note, I have made an appointment with Dr C for early next month so we can go over my cycles with the estinyl and hopefully come up with another strategy. Of course, I hope that my FSH will be low enough so that I won't need estinyl again, wouldn't that be nice!

Which is a reminder, I'm thinking I should start up with the frozen wheatgrass cubes again. Whole Foods carries them in the frozen fruits section in case anyone is wondering. The whole thing about wheatgrass helping with high FSH is probably just an internet myth and I am no longer one to jump on every bandwagon, but I actually like the taste... am I the only one that likes them? I think they taste a bit like green tea, and with the warmer weather the frozen cubes are refreshing.


Anonymous said...

could you post a picture of those frozen cubes? I couldn't find anything but a powder. is it decent to taste? Elena

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